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Why Did I Hate Myself So Much?


   When I look back on my life, and think about all the situations the  good and bad  that I have lived through and dealt with like everyone else does, I know, I am braver now than I have ever been before, I am not sure why,  may be it's age, experience or wisdom or all three, in fact I know it's age, things that affected me before like the little dirty look some stupid girl gave me in the pub toilet to being told off for something silly by a boss, it just doesn't affect me like it used to, looking back I hated myself the way I looked,  I was too fat compared to everyone else, I hated my dark hair it was thick and fizzy and took hours to dry, I thought I was so fat, I had boobs and a bum my hips were to wide, my legs were to fat,  I could have gone on all night finding faults with myself.
         The real problem I  had very low self esteem, I was shy and I unassuming and if someone gave me any attention I would have ran away, I often thought that in relationships with men, I pushed them away, not because I didn't like them that's what they thought anyway,  but because the way I felt about myself. I was unconfident  and convinced  myself in my head it would be best to be on my own, because I could cope then, it was just to hard to be part of a couple, to much responsibilities.
     Even in jobs I am so sure I sabotage  them, I could have gone for jobs I knew I was capable of doing, but never applied or went for the interview because I thought I would never get it.
     Low self Esteem is such and important issue, we all have it our unconfident moments our moments of self doubt, but most people shrug them off and carry on. But with me I would believe what I was telling myself and it affected my  life because I let it.
    I am now in my forties and it has gotten so much better I have been through some serious stuff, so little digs and silly chatter can just Fuck Off, I am OK and that's what I am sticking to.

 Older post's in a similar Thread to read here Reflections Of Your Life.  No One Is Coming To Save You.


Mimi Prentice said…
Thanks for the comment X
Bill said…
I can relate. I had poor self esteem for a long time and that limited me in so many ways. It took meeting the right person and getting older for me to get over it. I'm glad that things are looking up for you, you deserve it.
Mimi Prentice said…
Thank you so much, I do think age and positive people around you make a huge difference. X
Megan said…
There have been many times I had low self-esteem. Thanks for sharing this :) It really is a very important topic!
Mimi Prentice said…
It is Megan, I find lots of things in life revolve around, low self esteem. X

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