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Reflections Of Your Life.


Do you ever on a quiet moment of your life, wonder and look back, I have got to a certain age, and not pondered if I did this and if I did that, I wouldn't be human would I if I didn't.  Did I make a mistake in a serious relationship which was going wrong, should I have married him like he wanted me to, my life would have been so much different to what is is now, may be I would have been a Mummy, I am sure I would have been a Mummy by now, but when I analize  it I didn't love him like he wanted me to,  don't get me wrong |I loved him but I wasn't In love with him, there is a big difference you know, the last few months of our relationship was not good, I saw a side to him I had never seen before, things were not going right in his life and our relationship became all about him and I got left behind, when the demise did come I missed him because I not only lost my lover I lost my  best friend, it took me nine months before I could even start to rebuild my life, but I kept hearing about him from other people, and I didn't want to know, it was like a dagger when I heard who he was seeing now.
   Nearly a year after we split I did go back there for a brief second but it felt all wrong, something had changed so much between us and we decided to remain friends his words to me were " I would rather have you as a friend than not have you at all" how do you explain that to a new partner, your ex is still hanging around. 
   There are a few jobs I could have had that I didn't take because of my Low Self Esteem, I knew I was capable of  doing them, but because I didn't think I was good enough I let them slip away from me, which of course made me feel even lower than I was before, but that's another story I will save for later in the blog,  we all have regret's that we live with, some of them are little one's we can really live with,  but some of them would have changed the history of your life, I can not and won't reflect on the mistakes big and small,that I have made  and the missed opportunities in my own life, I can't because time keeps rolling on  and opportunities still arise that I will from now on grab with both my hands and hold on tight to them.

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