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Do you ever wish you were 18 again.

  I sometimes look back at old photographs of myself, and  think what the hell was I complaining
about  I was such an uncomfortable young person  not a child anymore but not an adult either, I had short hair with a high quiff for a fringe, which I kept up with a whole bottle of Silverkrin hairspray that cost me 10 pence  from the indoor market in town,  I hated my hair it was dark and thick and stuck up if I didn't put a wet brush through it to calm it down, all I wanted to be is blonde, like Joanne from next door who had teenage boys salivating after her, fancy living in the shadow of that golden Princess there was I trailing after her, Oh look there is Joanne and her friend.  
  Joanne was a really nice person "Bitch" I thought in my head, no she was a really nice friend, honestly.  I was a trainee hairdresser at the time and worked very hard in a town center salon I loved my job and the people I worked with, I had a really nice time, I had finished with a boyfriend that I had from 15 and started going out with a 22 year old control freak, who hated my job, especially the men that came into the salon, he would often come in  to check on me particularly on Saturday's , that would ensue in a row every Saturday night. I think I have mentioned him in an older post on this blog, I dumped him after three month's. 
     I always thought I was fat, I must have been mad I was curvy and Mediterranean looking, my friends were all waifs because Kate Moss had just become famous and everyone wanted to be like her so I didn't fit in at all I had boobs and a bum and I thought I was fat, compared with everyone else, no one ever called me that dirty three letter word, but I felt it all the time I kept looking in the mirror not because I was vain but because I was seeing what I hated about myself.  I did have a great family and good friends but you can have it all and still feel shit about yourself deep down, You at eighteen looking back impossible to be happy how can you be when you are still working out who the hell you are and in which direction your life  would go, I think I wouldn't like to be 18 again, but maybe I would for a week just to have a laugh with my teenage friend's and maybe change a few things around and I would say yes to some of the opportunities that I was not confident enough to take up, I wonder were my life would have taken me then I am not sure and I have a funny feeling I will never find out.

                                          Image result for 18 photo


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