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Shock, Over 40 single and no kids, what's wrong with you?

    31st July 2018

                                Shock, Over 40 single and no kids, what's wrong with you?

                                                 I am 45 next week, and while I am turning another year older, I am well into middle age while I feel sixteen in my head, sometimes I have to remind myself I am not.  I am single, shock horror and childless even worse, people sometimes look at me like there is something wrong with me, I don't have two heads and and last time I checked no horns are sticking out, others pity me, secretly thinking "there must be something wrong with her",  I am neither single or childless by choice, it's just worked out like that ,  I didn't plan it that way, I was,  out of all my friends voted the first one  of us to get married and have kids, looking back now I think how wrong our teenage selves were  I don't know why but my life has not turned out the way I wanted it, funny that.
                                                I know I would make a great Wife and Mother, and sometimes I do feel like I have missed out.  I do feel judged,  no one says anything, or maybe I am to harsh on myself, and even guilt comes into my mind, why guilt? Is that a reasonable emotion? I do put it to the back of my head.  Don't get me wrong I am day to day a happy optimistic person, and I do hope one day if I still have enough time tick tock, tick tock, that as my mother says pull your socks up you are starting to get well
past it, charming, things may still turn out for me.
                                                   I look at other people with there 2.4 kids and there happy snaps from there holiday's on social media, and I am envious, but are they truly happy?  is anyone ever satisfied with what they have, we humans are never satisfied with what we have we always want more. my friends moan they are tired, they have no money, they need some time to themselves, but would they be me?  don't think so.  On the good side I have a nice home, money in the bank can go out whenever I like and come home when I want.     
                          But sometimes I think why can't I have the dream, maybe hopefully it won't be much longer, I went to a palm reader who told me I would have 3 kids but that was 15 years ago, it's been such a long wait , I will just have to pull my socks up.   Oh well I will just have to make do for now.


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